Dear Daddy, smile and say - Merry Christmas!

 

 

Dad, I won't be back this Christmas too

Don't wait for me, I'm not coming to you

Put up the star on big old tree again

Place the holy Infant, say my name.

Think I am with you, holding your hand

Waltzing to tunes of the Christian band

Gather the street kids, give them my love

Send them a Santa cake and a pair of gloves

Beat your best drum like we always did

Tap your foot as the merry kids sing

As you sit in the chapel at the first bell gong

Close your eyes, remember Mom's song

Let the tears fall, let them wash away

But for me dear Daddy, smile and say - Merry Christmas!

I lost a love, a friend somehow.

All I wanted was to be free

Of enmity and obligations

All I wanted was to be free

Of malice and self-negations

All I wanted was to be free

Of you and your desires

All I wanted was to be free

Of neglect and eternal fire

I wanted to be free of constant misuse

I wanted to bee free of physical abuse

All I wanted was to love

Every moment together

All I wanted was to love

Us being forever

All I wanted was to love

You with all I could

All I wanted was to love

All for which I stood

I wanted to love and be loved in turn

I wanted to love without intent.

But Maybe I thought to much

I still think a lot

I expected you to be

What you were not

I wanted to be

What I could not

And I still blame myself for being a tad too weak

I could have seen you are not what I seek

Guess it's too late to change things now

Only regret - I lost a love, a friend somehow.

A Blurred Glass

Just as I closed one door, another opened in the aisle

I stepped precariously first, hastily next

Touched open the door wide and peeped inside

It was beautiful and serene but empty

The soft click of the door closing amplified

All around me it was just me, my heartbeat and breathing

And a yearning to touch and experience things around me

Everything was electrified with a strange foreign energy –

Completely alien but painfully tempting

Eyes closed I sensed everything I could get at

Exhilarated, I could feel myself vibrating in sweat.

Something moved – I dashed towards it.

Nothingness again, but pulse wouldn’t rest

 A fever burning within, I rested my cheek

On the cool foggy glass – found solace in chaos

I saw him through the blurred glass

He looked at me square, unassuming face, difficult eyes

But I knew it was him I had felt and caressed

He came closer, I pressed further

Matching his hands on the glass, his face matching mine –

It was the forever moment of pause

We both celebrated the touch-less warmth.

Till they opened the door and dragged me out

I did not protest, I didn’t call out

I looked on – still behind the glass, reaching till last

And I knew he was real, I saw him through a blurred glass

Not knowing if I’ll find him, away from the blurred glass.